If coffee cups were traffic lights

In the animal kingdom, organisms often use incredibly bright or vibrant colouring in order to visually demonstrate that taking a bite out of one will probably kill you. These primitive evolutionary traits are so effective, that not only do they keep the organisms alive, they warn would be predators that their potential prey probably wont make the best after dinner snack. In some ways, this basic survival mechanism translates into the real world, Traffic lights and stop signs are red to tell us to stop, hazard signs are usually bright red or yellow to garner out immediate attention, and gingers....well, enough said.

Dangerously though, there are still many areas currently where the world doesn't warn us of impending doom. It is a daily ritual for some, and a life source for others, but getting the morning coffee takes the lives of thousands of taste buds at a time and you'll never know when they strike. On one day you'll have the perfectly cooked roast, and the next you will be drinking the molten brimstone that is the run-off from satan's comically sized bath tub.

If only our coffee could warn us about the days when it's feeling a bit tetchy.

Enter the Smart Lid, an incredibly simple device that takes advantage of the technology currently used only on novelty mugs of scantily clad women to change colour when faced with heat. While the sterile white lids of the modern era look nice when we sip our brew in public, they don't warn us in anyway of the veracity of the liquids they supress. A Smart lid however, will start off as brown and turn bright red when faced with heat, at an impressive speed at that!

But surely, this reasonably simple device of unfathomable science will send the cost of my morning hot chocolate through the roof!

No.

 

According to Smart lids, the cost of these new lids would be covered by raising your prices by 1%

Sadly I dont think this will actually fix the problem, as people are only going to order hotter and hotter coffee's just to see exactly how smart their lids are.

If Grouches were backpackers

In our society today there is probably no greater sorrow than that of the life cycle of the average travel map. These beacons of direction and guidance, that present themselves freely in neatly and crisply folded pamphlets are tortuously abused.
They are mis-folded, folded into pocket size shapes, torn, drowned in coffee and rain, and this only leads to people taking wrong turns off cliffs, or winding up in the red light district while on their way to an orphanage. Sadly these are all human errors, and no matter how hard we try we just can't make better humans.

Thankfully, somebody has made a better map.

The Crumpled City Map is the love child of a regular street map and a tank, sans all the destructive capabilities. Its' flash-spun hi-density polyethylene fibrous material. It's rip-resistant, waterproof, and thin enough that a small child could crumple it down into a small palm sized scrunch of map. At only $20, it's definitely a fair price to pay to maintain the integrity of the pillar of society that is the tourist map.

It also makes it easier to scrunch up and throw away

If Scrooge McDuck was stingy.

You are very poor.

You've spent your days breaking your back to put bread on your table, which you can then eat and put food into your stomach. But this requisite act of eating will always have the side effect of grimy teeth and smelly breath, thus ruining any of your chances of procuring a mate and thus living a filfilled and happy life. Sadly though, your roll of toothpaste has run out, and you are too poor to buy another one. Normally you would just curl the tube manually, or squeeze it all out in an inefficient manner, but since your back has broken from toiling in the field, you barely lack the strength to lift your tooth brush.

If only there was some sort of device you could buy that would take all the effort out of this impossible task.

Enter Cedes Toothpaste Squeezer, the one and only chrome plated device you will ever need to squeeze the last few cents out of your precious tube of colgate. This incredibly simple device means you wont have an awkwardly crumpled tube sitting atop your basin, and you will most definitely be the envy of all your friends with grimy teeth. 

Unless of course they learn about the $300 price tag.

Then you'll just look like an ass.

But your teeth will be shiny, and it practically pays for itself after your 2000th tube...

If beards were persistent bastards

After that huge night out with work in the morning there's always something you will forget to do in the morning rush. Most days it's leaving something at home, forgetting to feed your kids, or not letting the hostage in your basement out for his daily dosage of air. On the worst days though, you'll forget to shave or be in such a rush you wont shave well. Then you'll be forced to endure the day with that itching feeling of a tiny patch of missed stubble, or a slightly embarrasing lip warmer slowly growing off your face.

In case it's not abundantly clear, this is probably a product for all the ladies out there.

The incredible guys at Infmetry know the pain you've feel, and have sent Carzor running to the rescue. It's a portable razor that is the same size as any standard visa/library/man card, meaning it should take pride of place in your wallet right next to that one photo of your loved one/car. Of course, walking around with a razor blade in your pants might not seem like the safest thing to do on a daily basis, but the razor stores itself in its accompanying mirror, thus ensuring your legs aren't torn to shreds when you walk.

Unfortunately, you'll have to free up some room in your wallet, because at $17 this razor wont be breaking your bank anytime soon.

I hear Justin Beiber has one on hand in case he spontaneously hits puberty.